Work your way up the grave

Another morning spent grumpy and rethinking my choices. When you don’t like your work one bit and still you keep doing it since past 9 years.. well you are struck in hell like yours truly.
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Banking, finance, credit, loans, CASA, cross selling, investment management and insurance are not for me. I was born to breathe, experience and live the finer life of poetry, music, words and crafts. I was born with a sensitive personality, terrible mood swings, maddening passion, high scope for drama, quest for thrill, lust for literature, interest for communication (not about target achievement, motivation or ownership of a useless work role but a heart to heart, soul nourishing talks) and general appreciation for life.
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Until my job happened and killed all the above in one easy stroke of a daily grind. The finer things in life gave way to SARFAESI, Balance Sheet, fund flows, NII, DRT, Compliance, fraud and other jargons completely devoid of any scope of creativity (unless I creatively fudge the projections to suit the seniors expectations), communication (unless I count the strong reprimand doled out lavishly in all the P review meetings) or joy.
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Now everyday atleast one hour of my precious day is devoted to general grumpiness, malice towards unworthy seniors, disgust towards meek or acquiescent collegues and the capitalist world in general for creating this materialist, commercial and mechanic world with no survival for any other ideology, atleast for commoners like me.
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Google might have lost count of times I have searched for ‘bankers who quit’, ‘creatively satisfying yet well-paying jobs (its important unless you can afford to work for 5k for a 10-12 hr shift), ‘is quitting a decent paying job a suicide’, ‘how to make work bearable’ or simply ‘how to end misery’. Since I am still cribbing and crying needless to say Google hasn’t be able to help much here.
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It’s not like I have gained anything in the past decade. No sir there are a few top gains, like my health issues, weight, tolerance for stupidity, time management, false image, parents/relatives/ neighbour’s perception of a successful you, some money and general hogwash. I may be good at my work or how else can I explain the promotions and appointments in the past or my almost super hero like ability for multi-tasking where I hate my job and yet do it well. May be the only reason I am so deft and fast in my work because I hate it to a point and want to finish it for once and for all!
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But like pests’ work keeps adding in geometric progression despite a state of ‘ceteris paribus’ in general work environment meaning no freaking change in sales/ disbursement/ sanction/NPA data since morning! You know the world may come to an end if today’s 44th report on the same data in a different excel format sent by a fresh dork from the Regional Office on the order a the older dork in the Head Office created by a bigger dork from a ‘premier Management Institute’ is not sent my 4 p.m.!
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Until next rant!

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